| oh dear. |
[May. 13th, 2008|10:37 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
happy 21st birthday to me. good god, time flies. |
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| anxiety |
[May. 2nd, 2008|08:03 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
i have an interview today for a scholarship that could potentially give me up to $7000. i feel like i'm gonna puke. UGH. be over already. |
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[Nov. 19th, 2007|12:14 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | hysteria - muse | ] |
why, oh, WHY, did it take me so long to discover the "twilight" series? these books are such a lovely distraction from life.
i want an edward cullen. |
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[May. 13th, 2007|11:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
happy birthday to me...
another year gone... |
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[Apr. 4th, 2007|11:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
i should be studying for a pretty big midterm tomorrow, but fuck it.
i should say that things have been on the up and up, and it seems like they have, but it certainly doesn't feel like it. i miss an old friend, more than i probably should, but it's something i can't seem to turn off. considering the way things were left with the two of us, i should be feeling more animosity and anger, i guess, and i kinda do, but i feel like i'm just over the whole thing. i can't bring myself to have the energy to be mad about it anymore; it's just kind of become a known and indifferent fact. but there are the times when i find myself thinking about the whole situation and...i dunno. it's not that sharp, painful, heart-breaking sadness anymore, though it was for months. but now, it's like a worn-in sorrow. i just feel BAD that a friendship so good was wasted so easily, i guess. it's funny, because that whole janet ordeal hadn't bothered me the way this did. but i guess it's simply because we both understood that we understood each other in a way that no one else did and cared for each other in a way no one else did, and to lose something like that over something as stupid as that was like...a huge waste. i mean, if we had to break it off, at least do it properly and with a bang. this was just dumb. it's been five months since, and we're worse off then when the whole thing happened. what's up with that?
ok, so really, other than that, things are pretty good. i've got some awesome classes this semester, and though they're a challange, to say the least, it's so worth what i'm learning, in the short and long run. work is good, as good as retail would get, i suppose. more friends have relocated, but you make new ones and keep in touch with the old ones, so it's not all bad. it kind of feels like if it wasn't for that one person, that one un-friend, i would be having a ball. and it sucks that i keep that from letting myself enjoy stuff as much as i should, but it's really something that i can't ignore. i'm looking forward to the summertime, hopefully i can see some old friends again, like all of those that are away at college, and there's a possibility that i might be going back to "mothercountry" with the family at some point. i dunno, but it should be good.
i turn 20 next month! woot, and it should be an interesting birthday this year. i dont even know what to expect anymore. alls i know is i need to turn 21 FAST.
and if anyone woulda told me this time last year that this is where i would be now, i woulda told you you were snorting keith richards' dad. |
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[Dec. 11th, 2006|12:47 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | WTF?! | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | gimme shelter - the rolling stones | ] |
i find it fairly inconceivable how he can still wear the bracelet representing the person who lied to him for 6 months straight and still talk to and joke with the one who broke his heart into a millon pieces, yet he still can't talk to me or move past it. what is wrong with this picture, and how could i have wronged him more than they did? why do i always recieve the harsher punishment?
i'm so tired of all of this. |
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[Nov. 16th, 2006|09:34 pm] |
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em' out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice. |
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[Nov. 5th, 2006|07:55 pm] |
FUCKING DOUCHE BAGS BREAK INTO MY FUCKING CAR WHILE I'M BUSTING MY ASS AT WORK AND FUCKING STEAL MY STEREO AND CD'S.
like i needed more shit to deal with. FUCK THIS. |
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| him. |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|05:41 pm] |
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you |
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[Oct. 24th, 2006|11:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
i fucking give up on this guy. honestly. WTF.
growl. |
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[Oct. 9th, 2006|04:49 pm] |
why is it that after jim leaves, all the bikers in the world decide to haunt me? honestly, on a 10 minute drive from home to bart, fucking 9 motorcycles? wtf. and it's not like it was only one day, either. no, this is every fucking day. where were all the bikers three weeks ago, dammit? as if i needed another reminder. the world hates me, sometimes.
i need a fucking cigarette. |
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[Aug. 3rd, 2006|07:03 pm] |
i think i'm a little in love with anderson cooper.
from Anderson 360:
"It's been three weeks now, three weeks and counting. Fighting and dying. Shelling and running. So much of it seems so long ago, only the pictures a reminder we were ever there. A war is like that. Each day is the first. The past is dead and forgotten. In a war, there is only now, only this: a smoke shared by buddies, a few hours rest. The minutes pass, so do the memories. At first, the shelling. The rockets. That's what you see, what you hear. Incoming, outgoing. Sirens and screams. All of it quickly fades, however, and becomes like your pulse--always there, a throb in your ear, a beat you barely notice.
In the distance, there's a beauty to it-- brilliant flames, a flash of light, a brief boom that echoes in the hills. But up-close, there's nothing beautiful about it. The ground rumbles. Your spine shakes. The heat and dirt scald your skin. So much of this war we don't even see. You stare at distant hills that smoke and smolder. The ground is dead. You see tanks move, soldiers come and go, but you don't see the fight up-close, and that's where we all want to be. You try to get close, as close as you can. You want to feel the heat, the fury, swallow the embers. You watch firefighters put out the flames, but it's never enough. You want to see more. You follow the action wherever its led: Beirut, Cypress, Haifa, Keryat-Shona. You've camped out in hotel rooms and balconies, street corners and cars, pulling up stakes when the story moves on. Three weeks now, three weeks and counting. Sometimes, I'm not even sure what I've seen." |
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[Jul. 6th, 2006|12:08 pm] |
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just when i thought it didn't get much worse than munchausen syndrome, someone else had to drown in a stream. i think these past three weeks have been the shittiest i've ever had. |
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| yoinked from bunney |
[Jun. 14th, 2006|06:12 pm] |
[mood|  amused]
"In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also consid ered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them."
good lord. |
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[Jun. 2nd, 2006|04:20 pm] |
[mood|  pissed off]
[music| fort minor]
i love how i can get the highest GPA i've gotten yet, and when i tell my father, his response is "ok, work harder and you'll do better next time."
fucker. see if i tell him about school again. |
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[May. 23rd, 2006|11:23 am] |
[mood|  melancholy]
[music| there there - radiohead]
last night was the last of "alias" that we shall ever see in very long while, if ever. it was a good ending to a long and winding show. a lot of questions were answered, a lot of loose ends tied up, but at the same time, not everything was packaged away for a "happily ever after." it was nice to see that there is still a future for these characters, not just that fairy tale ending. i was sad to see some people go (jack, tom, and irina), but was happy to see others forced to suffer for the rest of eternity (literally). he soooo had it coming. it's funny to see that about 7 years into the future, dixon still has dreadlocks. what's up with that? and yay for sydney and vaughn to have their perfect house on the perfect beach. but of course, the best part for me was to know that mr. sark is still alive and kicking, and of course, up to no good. we wouldn't have it any other way. and it was refreshing to hear his snarkiness come back in for a last stand. "does it have to be so filthy? if Rambaldi can prophesize the future he might advise me not to wear $500 shoes." for those of you that know me, you know how crazy i was about this show, and how obsessed i was with sark. for me, it's an end of an era, as this show really helped me grow up, at times. even while it sucked (but only for a little while), this show was, for some reason, important to me. i can't really explain it, and i won't bother trying to here, but that's that. i'm happy with the way the show ended, and it gave me happy thoughts for the characters who have been so important to me. i won't say the show changed my life or anything like that, but the character of sydney bristow, strong, intelligent, proud, and loyal, certianly provided motivation and inspiration when i lacked it. to a good run and a great end, thank you "alias."
"you know, i didn't want any of this. mass extermination isn't exactly my passion, michael. i'm a business man. you know, i simply wanted to come out on the winning end." -- julian sark |
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[May. 14th, 2006|12:52 am] |
it has been 52 minutes since my birthday has been over, and it makes me a little sad. again, it was not how i thought it would turn out to be, but i cant say i didnt have fun. friday was new, and i find that though i like hookah, it's just nice smelling smoke. but you know, when i put it like that, it makes it sound like i didnt have fun. i did have fun, actually, and friday was a great day, to be honest. i got to meet the fucking goo goo dolls, man, and it was brilliant. i got a signed cd and a picture with johnny rzeznik. it was exhilerating and i was trippin. i didnt get to see andew on friday night, and thought that he wasnt going to come home at all this weekend, but he actually came home on saturday just to get me and give me little present, that being our special godiva chocolate. i got to hang out with laura, janet, nick, and richard last night, something i havent done in almost 6 months. that was a lot of fun. i got amazing gifts from natasha, diana, and above all, my brother. really, if i could do it all over again, i would have done more with my brother. i feel really bad cuz we were supposed to spend all day togther out and about, i guess, and we really spent it at home cuz of me. but we did go out, and we got some mother's day stuff taken care of, so it's ok, but i still feel like an ass. i'll make it up to him, somehow. and really, it was overwhelming how many people were sending birthday wishes on myspace and facebook. it was crazy, some of those people i havent talked to since graduation, but it sure does make a girl feel special.
so really, all in all, it was a good birthday. i am gonna miss it being my birthday, though. |
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[Apr. 22nd, 2006|02:34 pm] |
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oh god friday nights with the brothers' friends are fun. |
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| huh. |
[Apr. 13th, 2006|09:14 pm] |
[mood| amused]
[music| gold lion- the yeah yeah yeahs]
An Eyeful a Day Keeps the Doctor Away
by Jonathan Hayter
Staring at women's breasts is good for men's health and makes them live longer, a new survey reveals. Researchers have discovered that a 10-minute ogle at women's breasts is as healthy as half-an-hour in the gym. A five-year study of 200 men found that those who enjoyed a longing look at busty beauties had lower blood pressure, less heart disease and slower pulse rates compared to those who did not get their daily eyeful.
Dr Karen Weatherby, who carried out the German study, wrote in The New England Journal of Medicine: "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout. Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There is no question that gazing at breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of a stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life 4 to 5 years."
She added that sexy stars like Dolly Parton, Heather Locklear, Anna Nicole Smith and Demi Moore had proved to be especially good for the men's health.
so this mean i should be available for the general well-being of males? |
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| yoinked from bunney |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|03:15 pm] |
[mood|  accomplished]
[music| passive - a perfect circle]
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
oy vey.
2. How much cash do you have on you?
$20 and some change
3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?"
moor
4. Favorite planet?
nuptune
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile?
alison
6. What was your 4th text message?
spaz emily talking about the paris hilton diary. looooser. : )
7. What shirt are you wearing?
a white tank with a black one on top
8. Do you "label" yourself as anything?
not really
9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?
Theyre Target flipflops but the name wore off...
10. Bright or Dark room?
Bright with some dark tones
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
FABULOUS writer, truly
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
getting ready for bed probably. or watching natalie portman on SNL. she's so pretty, dammit.
14. What was your last text message you received on your mobile
"yes ma'am" from andrico
15. Where is your letter box?
At the end of the driveway.
16. What's a word that you say a lot?
fuck
17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
My momma.
18. Last furry thing you touched?
the oh so soft polar bear stuffed animal while i was cleaning
20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
none that i can remember... hmm.
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
16 or 18
22. Your worst enemy?
My body.
23. What is your current desktop picture?
some wicked fire thing andew made on photoshop
24. What was the last thing you said to?
"are those your noodles on the counter?"
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
i could really use a million bucks right about now
26. Does anyone like you?
I would hope so
27. The last song you listened to?
"chain of fools" by aretha franklin
28. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, what would you do?
push them out of the way and to the ground
29. If you could punch 1 person in your life right now, who would it be?
the president
30. What is the closest object to your left foot?
desk drawer |
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